Four years....

Well today marks four years since that "dreaded day". If you have just tuned into my life today marks the day I lost my dear sweet baby at birth. His name is Jaxson Clark today he would have been four years old.  The loss of Jaxson changd my life forever. The first 3 years were awful for me.I couldnt get up out of bed on the anniversery of his death. I never had it in me. Then something happened, something just changed over the last year I dont know what it is or why the change but this year has by far been the easiest for me to get through.
I am comforted in some ways that it was an easy day for me to get through but at same time its almost scary that I got through it. I know I got through this because of the great friends I have online and real life. I have come to terms with a lot of things. And although his loss will be with me always its not what defines the day or me. This year is much easier but it doesnt make the loss any less. This year Jaxson is celebrating his fourth angel day not alone but with his great grandfaher who passed away in July. Maybe that is why this year is so much easier..
We had planned to release balloons today to Jaxson from Skyler and I however we havent gotten it done yet we will before the weekend is over.